Monday, July 9, 2018

Traditions, Transitions, and Timing

There will be no bar mitzvah.

There is, and will continue to be, respect and support for Cooper's interest in learning about Judaism and our culture and values and what it means to be a member of a community.

We're just side-stepping the Jewish tradition of celebrating a child's 13th birthday with a bar, bat, or b'nai mitzvah.

We made this decision as a family out of respect for the challenges Cooper faces due to his learning difficulties. The work required of an individual, including mastery of a number of prayers and Parshahs and so forth, for this event is beyond the scope of what's possible for Cooper to accomplish by this age-based timeframe.

One thing we have learned from watching a child with special needs learn and grow is that Cooper has his own timetable and his own trajectory in life. We have found some wonderful resources at jgateways.org, where pictures accompany transliterated text to give Cooper the visual images and pronunciation in English of prayers in Hebrew. But there is a lot of scaffolded, individualized instruction required for Cooper to even sing a simple Shabbat blessing by himself, and we are in no rush to crank up the expectations for him in this area. School, friends, and activities of daily living already take up a great deal of his and our energy and effort. Learning another language, particularly one that has a different alphabet and sounds, well, foreign, is challenging enough for anyone. Tack on difficulties including auditory processing deficits and the prospect of a formal ceremony in a synagogue in front of a congregation and the expected achievement for Jewish children at a certain age just becomes something that we once again adjust to suit Cooper and his own path and pace.

So no, there was no save-the-date or invitation that got lost in the mail. There was never a date to save.

Instead, there is a boy turning 13 of whom we are proud for just making it to this moment in time, and we will celebrate him reaching that day in our own way. Most likely cake, pizza, video games, and friends will be involved.

L'Chaim!

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